Courtney Spence on How Family Relationships Change With Age

In Chapter 7 of 19 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, non-profit executive Courtney Spence answers "How Are Your Family Relationships Changing as You Get Older?"  Spence shares how the relationships are strengthening and why she is learning new ways to appreciate her family as she moves into her 30s.  Courtney Spence returns to Capture Your Flag for her Year 3 interview.  As Founder and Executive Director, Spence leads non-profit Students of the World to empower college students to use film, photography, and journalism to tell stories of global issues and the organizations working to address them.  Spence graduated with a BA in History from Duke University.

Transcript:

Erik Michielsen: How are your family relationships changing as you get older?

Courtney Spence:  They’re strengthening, you know, I am blessed to have been raised by 2 wonderful parents and a wonderful brother and a wonderful sister. I mean my immediate family and then my extended family have been a big part of shaping who I am for the good, for the absolute good. I mean, I wake up every day thankful for the family that I have and I’ve always been close with them but as I get older my ability to appreciate them grows. And even though I don’t think it can – I can appreciate them any more than I can today, I know I will tomorrow, I think especially as you start to accelerate into your 30’s, I feel like I am – I think I’m learning more than I ever have before.

I feel like I’m in a place personally where I am motivated again by cultivating my personal life and really thinking about where do I wanna be in 10 years, in 20 years. And as I think about those things, really for the first time ever, I mean I’ve never been someone that really plans my life out or is like I wanna go be that in 30 years.

And I’m starting to think in those ways, and not that I want to mark things by money or that house or that car, it’s more of the kind of life I wanna lead, and who do I wanna be as I get older. And as I’m thinking through these things, I’m looking to my parents predominantly and seeing where they are and learning from them and seeing them go through, you know, great times and difficult times, as they are, you know, at their age now. And I think because I have that appreciation that’s growing for them, my relationships with them are strengthening as well.

Making a Mindset Shift to Be More Open to Marriage

In Chapter 1 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Has Taking Time Away From Work Given You a Fresh Perspective on Life?"  During her time off from work, she reconnects with family and meets her husband.  The time off work allows her to shift from capturing her flag in career to capturing her flag in life and personal relationships. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How has taking time away from work given you a fresh perspective on life?

Audrey Parker French: Well, in several ways. First of all, it gave me time to reconnect with family and to meet my husband. About a year ago actually, very similar time to this interview last year, I had just met the man who just 2 months ago became my husband. And I – over the last 5 to 6, 7 years, the intensity of my work and my career had made it such that I was putting so much energy into those things because that really was my passion. That was the flag that I was capturing at that point in time. I really didn’t have time for the relationship, a really strong meaningful relationship.

And so – and I also didn’t have as much time to connect with friends and family, and over this last year, the energy that I didn’t even realize that I had been putting into my career all of a sudden became really available to me to reconnect with old friends, to develop my bonds with my family further that I really hadn’t even realized that it would be more surface level, shorter conversations with them when I was working really, really hard constantly.

And all of a sudden, I could have deeper more meaningful conversations more often and the combination of those things just making space for new people, my husband, his family, the new people that have come into my life. It’s been a really incredible year to have all that space and that energy freed up.

How to Manage Travel Stress When Vacationing With Your Spouse

In Chapter 3 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "What Did Traveling Abroad This Past Year Teach You About Yourself?"  She travels abroad with her new husband and discovers quirks about each other, including experiencing stress when things happen outside your control.  She learns to be more accepting of both unexpected situations and behaviors that happen in those moments. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: What did travelling abroad this past year teach you about yourself?

Audrey Parker French: Well, that I get really grumpy when I haven’t have a good night sleep, and I’m hungry, and I don’t speak the language, and we might miss the train. My husband and I both learned our – some little quirks about each other. We learned about where we get tense and how we get tense, things about, you know, having something be out of our control, where a train stops, the announcement is happening and we don’t understand the language to know why the train just stopped or if we’re gonna make our connecting train and we got to really experience, you know, how each other are under those really stressful circumstances, and we could be both really hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up, ‘Oh I really – that was terrible of me to get so angry and frustrated’ and then later we could be like, “Well, I guess we can just keep in mind that if I ever am over tired, hungry, about to miss a train, and can’t speak the language, that I’ll probably be a little grumpy.” You know?

Just having more of an understanding that you know sometimes you throw in a lot of different variables and a person is gonna react a certain way, so just learning our limits and learning how to be more flexible. We definitely noticed at the end of our 6-week European kind of tour and experience, we found ourselves being a lot more relaxed in circumstances that initially had us feel very uncomfortable, by the end, we realized that we might be offending people unintentionally because we don’t know the culture and we don’t know what we – the taboos and we finally just started letting that be okay and just being like, “Well, that happened again.”

As opposed to early on, we felt very, you know, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” We just offended someone and, “Oh, we have to make sure we don’t do that again.” But the rules change everywhere, so finally we just really relaxed, so it helped us become more comfortable with the unknown and with difficult circumstances.

When to Take a Sabbatical and Rethink Your Personal Identity

In Chapter 4 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Did Taking a Year Off From Work Reshape How You See Yourself in the World?"  French learns to let go of her career woman identity, including her title, embrace her personal identity, and find new perspective in her new marriage and ambitions to start a family. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How did taking a year off from work reshape how you see yourself in the world?

Audrey Parker French: Well, it’s been really interesting, before the year break, I saw myself as an entrepreneur, I saw myself as someone who was strictly my career, it was all kind of my identity was kind of wrapped up in my career and what I had just completed because it was really profound for me and it was – it really was where my identity was. And then as the year progressed and as I met the man who’s now my husband and got to travel, I really got on a deeper level how that was a chapter of my life and how my identity is not in a job or in a career or in anything that can be changed.

And it was simultaneously scary because we all wanna hang on to our identity. I definitely wanted to hang on to the comfortable and what I knew. And yet I had to just – it was very liberating to be able to let go of that and say, “I am not my career. I am not my job. I’m not my job title. I’m not my age. I’m not – ” All those change. And really discovering that once those things started falling away, and it took several months for those things to really fall away. I realized that I’m a person, and I get to experience life and what I had experienced before is a part of it. It’s part of my journey. It’s part of my experience.

And being married really changes the dynamic of everything going forward. I’m no longer me living my life, I’m half of me and my husband. And we are living our life. And it really has put into perspective how much I want to have children, and how much I want to have a beautiful thriving family, and how – in my past identity, there was no room for that. And so the year has really allowed me to break free and let go.

And it’s just – all I can say is that it sounds simple and yet there’s so many people who cling to an identity all their careers, all their lives perhaps, and they never – I want – I hope that people can look beyond just what they think they should be doing and really realize what do I want to do? Maybe I am in this job and maybe it’s expected that I do ABC, but I really wanna do DEF, and go outside of that box and just realize that your identity is what you make it and we’re a lot more free than from a day-to-day basis we might think.

What Married Friends Can Teach You About What Makes a Marriage Work

In Chapter 5 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "What Have Your Friends Taught You About What Makes a Marriage Work?"  French listens and learns from married couples, including those starting and raising families.  She learns about the power of transparency, communication, and family values.  Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: What have your friends taught you about what makes a marriage work?

Audrey Parker French: Well, one of my closest friends has been married for 10 years, and I was the maid of honor at her wedding, and I’ve watched her and her husband over the last 10 years, and she’s taught me a lot more than she would probably know or say that she’s taught me. Because I’ve done a lot of observing, they have a very healthy strong marriage, and in spending time with her and with other friends who have the kind of marriages that I really have looked up to, they’ve taught me how people can be real, how it’s important to be real.

It doesn’t mean you always put on a happy face if you’re not really happy, you really have to be with whatever is in – whatever is there, you have to really be okay to talk about it or get it off your chest and it’s not always pretty per se and yet even after you go through something that’s not pretty, it can get a lot prettier because you’ve had the courage to hash out whatever is in the way. And I’ve also watched them move from being a married couple, a happily married couple into being a happy parent couple. They have 3 children now and they are just watching the – I mean the – talk about life changes, I mean marriage is one, having children is a big life altering change.

And watching them as a couple go through that 3 times and watching them interact with their children, it’s taught me so much. And I’m very, very grateful to have friends in my life who can demonstrate those values to me because, you know, I’d recommend to anybody, you know, before you dive into starting a company or starting any kind of new venture, it’s important to have something that you’ve seen before or that you can envision so that you know what you’re aiming for and I really – I’m very, very glad and grateful and blessed to have the friends that I do so that I can feel like that I’m entering my marriage in this stage of life with some really good role models and some really good teachers and some really good confidants that when I have a problem or question or whatever that I have some people that I can go to for support. It’s wonderful. 

How Getting Married Changes Your Life

In Chapter 6 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Has Getting Married Change Your Life?"  She notes how marriage weaves together two people into one and represents a lifetime commitment.  She notes how the commitment to marriage stands above either she or her husband's individual desires and needs. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How has getting married changed your life?

Audrey Parker French: Well, it’s not my life anymore. My life is now me and my husband. It’s a completely – I mean to the point where I – I could’ve thought that I could know what this would be like and yet until I’ve gone through it I really didn’t know what this was. It’s literally a weaving together of 2 people into one. And it’s a commitment that lasts a lifetime. And we both took that commitment and still take that commitment very, very seriously. And it means that on a day-to-day basis, it’s – you know – it’s a commitment that’s higher than ourselves, the commitment to the relationship that’s higher than what I wanna do in the morning or what I wanna do in a day or what he wants to do in the morning or do in a day, it’s – we’ve made a commitment to value our relationship above either one of our individual in the moment kind of needs.

I have done that before in the commitment level that I had to the company that I helped start. I know how to put something ahead of your own desires and we all do it every day. We just have to make sure that what we put ahead of our own desires, what we’re committed to above anything else is something really pure and really important, and really good that fulfills us. And that’s what marriage is for me. It’s been – it’s also been – it’s been really fun to find the person that really is my mirror, my equal, my match, you know, he’s the right shoe, I’m the left shoe. We’re a matching pair.

And life didn’t really make sense to either of us, we’ve laughed about it how we’ve gone out with plenty of people over the last, you know, 10 or 15 years as we’ve been learning and growing. And thinking, “Well, wow, that was a really good date, that person got me 60% of the way or 50% of the way.” But we have never experienced really getting another individual on such a deep level and really feeling that sacred spiritual precious pure feeling, and I – it’s just been life changing, really life altering and beautiful.

Newlywed Couple Advice for Building a Strong Family Foundation

In Chapter 7 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "What Steps Are You Taking to Do What is Best for Your Family an Your Future?"  French talks about the importance of spending time with her husband to create strong bonds that will create security for the family they hope to create.  This keeps her focus inward and challenges her to avoid going out and starting another company before that foundation is in place. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University.

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: What steps are you taking to do what is best for your family and your future?

Audrey Parker French: Really right now, my husband and I are taking time to really solidify our marriage, and get to know each other, and build a very solid foundation so that when we have children, we feel like we have a very strong foundation with each other that our children are safe within and strong with and that we can be strong to help our children, guide our children, you know, it starts now for us. And we both see that.

And beyond children, the friends that we make, the communities that we are a part of, and that we continue to be a part of. Those are things that if we are not stable, we cannot give, we cannot help, we cannot support anyone else if our foundation has cracks in it. And so we both have felt some – I guess discomfort at the idea of not being more outwardly focused right now. I’m – definitely my old identity would say, “Why aren’t you working and having a completely packed schedule right now?” And yet, for me, the same part of me that said, “Well, I’m gonna go help start a company.” Even though that was kind of a crazy thing, seemed crazy at the time, it takes the same kind of courage, even though it sounds strange, it takes – I have found that it takes the same kind of courage to say, “I gonna sit still.”

And my husband – I’m gonna help solidify my marriage with my husband, so that whatever he or I or he and I choose to do in the future, and it really will be as together, that we’ll be strong. And that way any storms that come along, we feel more stable than we would if we weren’t spending this time together to really get strong, to be able to make it through and be okay. 

Audrey French on Why Stability is Fundamental to a Marriage

In Chapter 8 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "Why is Stability Fundamental to a Strong Marriage?"  French shares how her parents divorce proved educational for her own relationships.  The grieving and emotional processing of her parents breakup allows French to learn from them and apply the lessons to her own relationships. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: Why is stability fundamental to a strong marriage?

Audrey Parker French: That question reminds me of my upbringing and how I was raised in a mostly stable family and then my parents got a divorce when I was a late-teen. And it really – while it was very, very painful, it also was very, very educational. In that, it had me realize the importance of stability in a marriage beyond what I knew when my parents were still together and things, you know, just – that’s just the way that things were at that point.

And in my own grief and emotional processing of my parents’ marriage ending and my family break up basically, I really had to look at what are the reasons why this happened. What are the deeper reasons? And hearing them both say, you know, “Wow, it’s really interesting how we kept things together so long ‘cause there are some really fundamental things that we were not on the same page about.”

And I was thinking, you know, over many years, like, “Huh, well, those are the things that I wanna make sure that my husband and I are really on the same page about.” We’re not gonna avoid topics that are confrontational or that we disagree upon. We’re gonna talk about those things and if we continue to disagree, we better at least respect each other and know where each other stands.

So you know, things like that, the importance of stability is not just for now, it’s for the future, it’s for what can happen. We don’t wanna be just able to make things work when things are easy, when the climate is nice and balmy and breezy and sunny. You know, most people can make something work in those circumstances. We wanna make sure that what we have is very, very stable, so that come what may, we can say, “Okay, bring it on, we’re strong. We can weather the storm.”

Audrey French on How Family Relationships Change With Age

In Chapter 9 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Are Your Family Relationships Changing as You Get Older?"  She shares how getting married created big, unexpected yet positive family dynamic changes.  She details the transition of parents as protectors and authority figures to a personal responsibility she and her husband assume. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How are your family relationships changing as you get older?

Audrey Parker French: Well, getting married actually was a bigger change as far as my family dynamic than what I was expecting. My husband and I either. We went through it and as we were going through it, we both perceived it as a bigger change than what we were expecting. And it was good. We realized that even as grown adults, you know, 15 years out of high school, we still in some ways thought of ourselves as kids and our parents the grownups, and in subtle ways, not anything very blatant but there was definitely a shift in our family around as we got married becoming a couple who’s going to be ready to have our own children, and have our own family, and how it really is emotionally a disconnecting from your parents as your protectors and as your authorities and really claiming your own life and giving it to your spouse and saying we are in this life together.

No one needs to be protecting us, looking out for us, no one else is responsible anymore for our growth or development, this is up to us and it was a beautiful change, we just – we weren’t really expecting it or ready for it, but when it came, we were ready. It was a welcome change.

And now we both feel like we can interact with our parents with a lot more gratitude and just like we’re on a more even page, we’re not just their child anymore, we’re someone who can learn from them and thank them for the job that they’ve done with us because we’re gonna be ready to do that for our children, and we can look to them more as mentors as opposed to, you know, an authority figure in some way. It’s been really beautiful.

Audrey French on How Personal Priorities Change With Age

In Chapter 10 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Are Your Personal Priorities Changing As You Get Older?"  With maturity and age, French learns to be less harsh on herself when things go wrong.  Additionally, she learns to be more open with her strengths and weaknesses to find and take action on improvement opportunities. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How are your personal priorities changing as you get older?

Audrey Parker French: I think as I’m getting older, I’m recognizing that new circumstances call for an openness of mind and an openness to consider new actions and new thoughts that previously maybe didn’t fit into my world. So it’s a recognizing that maybe I didn’t have it all figured out in certain areas that I – that previously I thought I had it all figured out and having to come to grips with, “Well, I actually really stink at that.” And really being honest with myself to learn how to excel or improve in areas where I was not strong.

And then also looking at where aspects of my life where not really up to level that I  -- where I want them and just being willing to make the changes necessary. I think a big part of developing as I’ve gotten older is I’m learning, I’m still – I still haven’t mastered it but I’m learning how to be easier on myself. How to not beat myself up as quickly or as harshly or as long when I get upset with something that I’ve done wrong or that I just didn’t see coming or that I just – you know, something was off with it. In the past, I’ve spent a lot of my energy really making myself miserable when I’ve messed up something. And I think with age and maturity comes perspective to say, “You know what? Mistakes happen. Things go wrong. Things happen.” 

And I can choose to look at it as I’ve done terrible and wrong or I could choose to look at it like, “Well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was intending to do.” And in the future I’ll do something different. And let me see what else I can learn from this experience and then I can let it go and get on with my day, get on with my life, you know, clean up any messes that have – that are remaining but once it’s cleaned up there’s no reason to just keep being upset with the fact that we’re all just still learning.

Audrey French on Why to Have Coaches in Your Life

In Chapter 11 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "At This Moment in Your Life Where Are You Seeking Advice and Coaching?"  French notes how she first looks to close relationships - her husband and best friends - for advice.  She then looks outside her inner circle to experts, for example her fitness coach and career coach.  She shares how important it has been to be willing to be coached and allow others to help her hold herself to higher standards. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: At this moment in your life, where are you seeking advice and coaching?

Audrey Parker French: Seeking advice and coaching has actually been a predominant theme in my life over the last 5 to 6 years. Right now I would say I’m seeking the most coaching from the people closest to me that I look up to. My husband, my best friends, and then beyond that, if it’s something other than, you know, something in that frame, I’ll go to someone who has a specific area of expertise and ask for some sort of coaching or advice. You know having a fitness coach, you know, if I wanted to change some of my fitness goals, and you know I don’t wanna ask someone who doesn’t really know about fitness about being my coach for something like that.

So you know, I think that having coaches and being willing to be coached and hold yourself to a high standard and have someone else hold you to that same high standard, it has done incredible things in my life, in my career and in my personal life to have coaches in both of those areas of my life, my professional coach has really helped me improve my professionalism and develop in areas that I – I could’ve, yes, of course I would’ve developed but it would’ve taken me a lot longer, and I’ve had personal coaches in my life, for emotional and spiritual guidance and coaching that have really, in those areas, helped me to grow a lot faster. So – and actually I’ve been coaching some women in my life and it’s nice to feel like I’m able to, you know, to return that favor to other women who can look to me for inspiration and guidance and coaching.

Taking a Career Break to Do Things You Love

In Chapter 13 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Are You Learning to Apply Your Passions in New Ways?"  French shares how taking time away from work has given her more time and energy to devote to her passions.  She creates time for singing in choir and physical activity while embracing married life. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How are you learning to apply your passions in new ways?

Audrey Parker French: Well, it’s kind of coming naturally, I found that I’ve had time to rejoin a choir, I’ve been a singer all my life in my spare time, and I really just – it’s kind of a natural thing. 

I’ve had the time and I’ve wanted to get back into that and I have more time and energy to devote to it than I did before, so it’s actually having an even more fulfilling impact on my life than it did before when I was trying to wedge it in between a work day and you know, work business travel and all sorts of projects, I can actually have time for singing. I can have time for a healthier exercise routine. Physical health is one of my passions and before it was not something that I allowed or made the time – really made the time to do. And again, that was my choice but to have the time for those things, to have the time with family, to have the time to go spend that – spend time outside.

My husband and I both really love the outdoors and we can just go and just sit somewhere and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. I’ve always loved nature and it’s something that I’ve gotten to enjoy more now that I’ve had more time.

I also realized that for about the 5 or 6 years that I’ve been working so hard, I pretty much missed all the movies and pop culture happenings that had been going on in the world, and so my husband’s had fun kind of saying, “Well, let me show you this movie that you probably never heard of.” Because it came out in 2008 or whatever and it’s true, I’ve gotten caught up on movies and things that have happened, you know, in the world that I just – I didn’t have time for before.

How a Year of Reflection and Stillness Can Improve Your Life

In Chapter 14 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "What Role Has Reflection Played in Shaping Your Personal Growth?"  French notes how frightening reflection and stillness have been in her life.  As an overachiever always determined to succeed, she learns why stopping and thinking and slowing down is fundamental to understanding her ambition in life and career. 

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: What role has reflection played in shaping your personal growth?

Audrey Parker French: Well, for me reflection and stillness have been the scariest things for me to do, to be still and just to be reflecting without being really busy and kind of distracting myself. I haven’t – in my life, I’ve been pushing and running and moving so fast and so determined to, you know, capture my flags in those times, in those chapters with the job that I held, I really – reflection and being still was almost like why would someone do that? Not only – it just didn’t make any sense to me. It was like, well, you know, you’re supposed to be productive, that’s why we’re all here, we’re supposed to be productive, you should be producing something and if you’re not really busy then what value are you, and so really this year of reflection and stillness has been the biggest challenge because going and pushing and working harder and harder, that seems like it would be a challenge and it was challenging but even scarier for me personally as an overachiever who’s always been driven and always very just pushing, going, fast, faster, faster.

Not only to slow down but to stop, to be still. And let things happen has been an incredible experience. It has me realize that at any point going forward in my life, I can go back to – I can go fast – I can always – I’ll always know how to move fast and push and run fast. And yet until I learn how to be still, until I learn how to reflect and really say, “Well, what was driving me? What is driving me? What do I want to drive me when I go fast?” Those things really help me just prepare for whatever lies ahead and it gives me a larger, a wider array of options for how I’m gonna choose to live my life going forward.

Before I couldn’t choose stillness or reflection, I had to choose – well, just go faster. That was the only answer to problems most of the time, slowing down maybe but not for very long, and now I have slowing down or being still and reflecting as options.

Audrey French on Getting Clear That Family Comes Before Career

In Chapter 15 of 15 in her 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, entrepreneur Audrey Parker French answers "How Are Your Personal Experiences Shaping Your Professional Aspirations?  French shares how she has stepped out of a life mode living for a company's success and into one where she is focused on herself and her personal life, in particular family. 

“The rest of my life I’m gonna be living in a healthy personal balance and my professional life will be something that’s helping to support and help my personal life thrive and not the other way around, it won’t be that my personal life has to support my professional life. ”

— Audrey Parker French

Audrey Parker French returns to CYF for her Year 3 interview after a one-year sabbatical from work and getting married.  She co-founded CLEAResult, an energy management consulting firm.  In 2010, CLEAResult ranked #144 in the Inc. 500 list of fastest-growing private companies.  In late 2010, CLEAResult was sold to General Catalyst Partners.  She graduated from Wake Forest University. 

Transcript: 

Erik Michielsen: How are your personal experiences shaping your professional aspirations?

Audrey Parker French: My personal aspirations previously were within or separate from my professional aspirations, and that’s not so anymore. My personal frame of the health of my marriage, the health of the relationships in my life, the health of my family, those are things that before I – I would’ve liked to have said that I couldn’t or that I didn’t have time for them but the fact was that I didn’t make time because I was so committed to the career and to the company, and now having this time to really realize that my personal – my personal life and my personal values are actually more important to me and professional values need to sit within it, and really need to – I need to make sure – I want to make sure that they remain, perhaps an important or even very important part, but it’s only a part and I would just always – I hope to always stay very clear on that and that’s part of what this time of reflection and stillness is helping me do.

There was someone who asked me recently if I was bored and wanting to go back to work yet, and I said, “Well, actually no.” I kind of feel like I had an unhealthy balance before and I chose that and it was – when you can put a lot of energy into a growing company and have it really payoff before your eyes, there was a reason why I lived my life out of balance, and it’s something that I’m stepping out of, the rest of my life I’m gonna be living in a healthy personal balance and my professional life will be something that’s helping to support and help my personal life thrive and not the other way around, it won’t be that my personal life has to support my professional life. 

Matt Curtis on Researching Family Roots and Meeting Distant Relatives

In Chapter 1 of 18 in his 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, public affairs and communications strategist Matt Curtis answers "How Did You Research Your Family Roots and Plan a Family History Trip?" Curtis shares his process of reconnecting with distant relatives in the village of Attymass in County Mayo, Ireland. He initiates the conversation by writing a letter and what happens next is history. Matt Curtis is the director of government relations at HomeAway Inc. Previously he was communications director for Austin mayors Lee Leffingwell and Will Wynn. In 2011, Curtis won "Austinite of the Year" in the Austin Under 40 Awards. He earned his bachelor's degree in radio, television and film from the University of North Texas.

Matt Curtis on Taking a Trip to Ireland to Meet Distant Family

In Chapter 2 of 18 in his 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, public affairs and communications strategist Matt Curtis answers "What Did You Learn About Yourself by Traveling Abroad to Meet Distant Family?" Curtis plans a trip to his grandparents' birthplace in Western Ireland - specifically Attymass in County Mayo - to meet distant relatives. The trip allows Curtis to not only meet family and learn about the geography, but also it was about understanding core values and characteristics that remain present in his family today. Matt Curtis is the director of government relations at HomeAway Inc. Previously he was communications director for Austin mayors Lee Leffingwell and Will Wynn. In 2011, Curtis won "Austinite of the Year" in the Austin Under 40 Awards. He earned his bachelor's degree in radio, television and film from the University of North Texas.

Matt Curtis on Losing 160 Pounds and Taking First International Trip

In Chapter 3 of 18 in his 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, public affairs and communications strategist Matt Curtis answers "What Was it Like to Take Your First International Trip?" Curtis shares how he overcame embarrassment about his weight and fear of the unknown to take an overseas trip to Ireland in his late 30s. He talks about the times in his 20s and 30s when he was overweight and felt it was not even an option to travel long distances by plane.  Now 160 pounds lighter but still a big man, he shares how easy it turned out to be and how the experience has opened new doors to future international travel plans. Matt Curtis is the director of government relations at HomeAway Inc. Previously he was communications director for Austin mayors Lee Leffingwell and Will Wynn. In 2011, Curtis won "Austinite of the Year" in the Austin Under 40 Awards. He earned his bachelor's degree in radio, television and film from the University of North Texas.

How Family Relationships Change With Age - Matt Curtis

In Chapter 4 of 18 in his 2012 Capture Your Flag interview, public affairs and communications strategist Matt Curtis answers "How Are Your Family Relationships Changing as You Get Older?"  As the rebellious baby of the family, born 10 years after his nearest sibling, Curtis learns to appreciate his parents' decisions more as he gets older, from getting core values by going to church to a general desire to live an honest life.  Matt Curtis is the director of government relations at HomeAway Inc. Previously he was communications director for Austin mayors Lee Leffingwell and Will Wynn.  In 2011, Curtis won "Austinite of the Year" in the Austin Under 40 Awards.  He earned his bachelor's degree in radio, television and film from the University of North Texas.